Relationship scientist Nicholas Velotta helped create ‘Erotic Personas’ for Arya
Arya is an online intimacy concierge for couples looking to talk about sex more
More than half of people don’t know how to talk about sex
We’re often told that in order to be a good partner, you need to know someone’s love language.
But people have found that capping your relationship expectations to just one of five categories – words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service – is extremely limiting.
This is why relationship scientist and head of relationship research at Arya, Nicholas Velotta, helped create ‘Erotic Personas’ instead – at least when it comes to intimacy.
Arya is an online ‘couples intimacy concierge’ that helps people in relationships communicate more about their sexual desires – and of course have better sex because of it.
Based on a survey of more 100,000 people (one of the largest surveys on couples’ emotional and sexual wellness), Arya found that 57 percent of people just don’t know how to talk about sex
‘While love languages help us understand how we express affection, they don’t fully capture the complexity of our erotic selves,’ Nico says. ‘We created the “Erotic Personas” as a way to give people language for the unspoken, a way to decode the deeper emotional and psychological forces that shape desire, pleasure, and connection.’
Arya has narrowed these ‘Erotic Personas’ down to Adventurer, Romantic, Director, and Connector.
Telationship scientist and head of relationship research at Arya, Nicholas Velotta, helped create ‘Erotic Personas’
The survey found that more than half of the couples had mismatched playstyles
‘It’s not about compatibility – it’s about curiosity,’ Nico says.
Plus, having mismatched playstyles doesn’t mean that that a couple is sexually incompatible.
But it does mean that they might need extra help communicating their sexual desires to each other so that they can understand each other better.
‘By identifying your Erotic Persona, we move past the old question of “What turns you on?” and into a richer exploration of why and how you experience desire,’ Nico says.
And Arya doesn’t stop at just explaining how to speak about desire.
The ‘concierge’ that the company assigns you doesn’t just guide conversations, it also sets you up with different ‘scenes’ to try with a partner and then goodies to go along with these scenes.
You might receive something like a candle to try wax play with or body paint to explore your partner’s skin.
Each month, couples receive new ‘scenes’ and goodies to explore their sex lives
And by encouraging ‘novelty, discovery, and play’ in couples, Nico and the rest of his team at Arya hope that they can in turn strengthen both these couples’ erotic and emotional bonds.
‘Exploring intimacy isn’t effortless, but it shouldn’t feel like a logistical puzzle,’ Nico says. ‘For many people, the hardest part isn’t the desire for something new — it’s the uncertainty of how to bring it up, the mental load of figuring out what works, or the quiet fear of getting it wrong.’
To figure out your own ‘Erotic Persona’ you can take a quiz that’ll analyze how you experience arousal, emotional connection, and erotic play.
Once you figure out if you’re maybe an Adventurer (down for trying anything once) or a Romantic (you need to feel emotionally fulfilled to enjoy sex), you can better assess how to play with your partner.
But Nico encourages couples to continue taking the quiz from time to time.
He explains that passion only lasts when you not only focus on your desires of today, but what they could possibly evolve into tomorrow.
‘By embracing this knowledge, individuals and couples can create a more fulfilling and aligned intimate life — one that evolves alongside them,’ Nico says.
